So a horse walks into a bar... ...and the bartender asks, ""Hey buddy, why the long face?"" The horse looks up and responds, ""I'm out of the job! Sarah Jessica Parker started doing her own stunts.""

A drunk walks into a bar... A drunk walks into a bar carrying a shoebox and says ""Hey bartender, if I show you something amazing, will you give me a free drink?"" Bartender shrugs, and says ""Well, it'd have to be something pretty amazing. Let's have it."" Guy pulls a rat and a tiny piano out of the shoebox and sets them both on the bar. The rat immediately starts playing the most amazing ragtime piano the bartender has ever heard. ""Wow, that's amazing! Here's your free drink!"" The bartender …

A guy in a bar is so drunk he can hardly stay on the stool. The bartender says, ""Hey pal, I think you had enough, I'm shutting you off."" ""What for,"" says the guy. ""Because you're drunk,"" the bartender replies. ""I ain't drunk & I'll prove it,"" the lush says. ""See that cat coming in the door, he only has one eye."" The bartender says, ""Wow buddy, you're more plastered than I thought. That cat ain't coming in, he's going out!""

A golden retriever walks into a bar Stop reading if you heard this one before. The dog sits at the bar, locks eyes with the bartender and wearily says ""One beer, one shot, please."" The bartender says ""Holy moly! A talking dog! You should be in the circus, buddy!"" The goldie says ""Why? Do they need an electrician?""