I quit smoking cold turkey 1 year ago but sometimes I still get the urge to go into fridge and light up a slice

There was a piece of chocolate cake in the fridge and a note "Don't eat me".Now there's an empty plate and a note "Don't tell me what to do"

Americans eat Turkeys at Christmas. Do people in Turkey eat Americans?

Her: (Sigh) How did you burn the Thanksgiving Turkey? Me: I followed the directions. 20 minutes a pound at 325 degrees. I weigh 175 pounds!