A mother has 3 kids. The first kid goes up to her mom and says, ""Mommy, why I am I named petal?"" The mom responds, ""Because when you were born, a petal fell on your head."" The second child goes up to her mom and says, ""Why am I named Rose?"" The mom says, ""Because when you were born, a rose fell on your head Finally, the third child comes up and says, ""My favorite color is potato."" ""SHUT UP BRICK""
HERE'S A KID WITH NO ARMS AND NO LEGS AND HIS PARENTS ARE DEAD AND YOU'LL DIE SOON TOO, BUY THINGS. - Super Bowl Commercials in a nut shell
Next time someone wants you to hold a baby, say "I'm so bad with live babies!"
im an adult! i make my own bedtimes! i'll stay up all night and function at a fraction of my capacity! like a giant grown-up lethargic baby!
Wrapping presents takes a LOT longer when your kid sneaks up behind you & cuts off your arm with an empty wrapping paper tube lightsaber.
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