I used to complain about crying babies on airplanes but last week I was flying, both pilots died & a crying baby landed us on a soccer field

HERE'S A KID WITH NO ARMS AND NO LEGS AND HIS PARENTS ARE DEAD AND YOU'LL DIE SOON TOO, BUY THINGS. - Super Bowl Commercials in a nut shell

Next time someone wants you to hold a baby, say "I'm so bad with live babies!"

im an adult! i make my own bedtimes! i'll stay up all night and function at a fraction of my capacity! like a giant grown-up lethargic baby!