[Who Wants to be a Millionaire] Me: I'm stumped. Can I phone a friend? Host: What's your friend's name? Me: Wikipedia.

The blonde and the lawyer. A blonde is sat on a plane waiting for everyone to sit down and to get airborne. A guy in an expensive looking suit sits along side her and introduces himself. Disinterested, she says hi and turns towards the window. He asks if she'd like to play a game. She says no. Just after take off he tries again. Explaining this time that the game is question and answer. He asks a question and if she knows the answer he pays her $5. If not... she pays him. She snaps back at him t…

I hate people who take drugs... specifically the DEA and US Customs. Edit: Thanks everyone for the free Internet points. Appreciate it. :)

Two buddies are golfing When all of a sudden one of them falls down clutching his chest. The other guy whips out his phone and dials 911 ""911 what's your emergency?"" ""Help! I think my friend just died!"" ""Okay, calm down, the first thing you need to do is determine if he's truly dea-"" *THWACK THWACK THWACK* ""Yeah, he's dead alright. Dead and toothless. Okay what's next?