NOBODY TELLS ME WHAT TO DO! Except my government, boss, his wife, my girlfriend, my parents, my doctor, friends, neighbours, their dogs...

Three women walk into a doctors office... (x-post from r/funny) ...So the doctor calls in the first one in for her exam. she takes off her shirt and has a big H tattooed on her chest. The doctor asks why there is an H on her chest to which she says: ""My husband went to Harvard and he likes to see the H when we do it."" The doctor finishes his exam and sends her on her way. The doctor calls the second one in. When she takes off her shirt, the doctor notices a big Y on her chest. When the doctor …

George goes to his physician. George went to the doctor's office to ask for a double dose of Viagra.The doctor told him that he couldn't allow him a double dose. ""Why not?' asked ""Because it's not safe,' replied the doctor ""But I need it really bad,' said George ""Well, why do you need it so badly?' asked the doctor. George answered, ""My girlfriend is coming into town on Friday; my ex-wife will be here on Saturday; and my wife is coming home on Sunday. Can't you see? I must have a double dos…

My coworker was in a pretty bad situation. His name was Joe, he was fresh out of college and came right out of nowhere, moved cross-country for the job, and could no longer afford his hotel. I barely knew him but I took him into my apartment, where I was living with my girlfriend. We spent most of our time drinking, watching football, talking about work. This went on for months and months. One day, I decided to propose to my girlfriend. Late one night I snuck into her room, and saw Joe forcing h…