Old Twitter is what you'd get if an engineer brought New Twitter to Steve Jobs, and Steve beat on him relentlessly to simplify it.

1964:"Remember kids," a youth basketball coach says, "there's no "i" in team." "Not yet," whispers 5th grade Steve Jobs, "... not yet."

Apple CEO Tim Cook has come out as gay. This totally explains why the new iPhone charger holes became tighter after Steve Jobs died.

Gone are the days when I could just jump in the pool fully clothed without thinking twice. Thanks a lot, Steve Jobs.