My mom moved me away from Texas as a kid, statistically decreasing the chance I ever get the death penalty and that's pretty cool

9am: Very busy day today, I need to focus & stay off the internet 1pm: did you know that Texas has the largest population of prairie dogs?

Chuck Norris once broke a mirror over the head of a black cat while standing under a ladder on Friday 13th.The next day he won the lottery

Me: Just to be safe, we should quarantine Texas and nuke it from space. CW: That seems like an overreaction to Ebola. Me: They have Ebola?