The only clean joke Michael Caine could think of to tell the Queen. I remember this joke from a TV interview I saw with Michael Caine about 20 years ago, and it's stuck with me: A telemarketer calls a house and a little girl answers the phone: Little girl (LG): \*quiet voice* *"Hello?"* Telemarketer (TM) "Hello there and good day, would you mother be available to talk to?" (LG) \*quiet voice* *"No, she's busy at the moment.*" TM: "Oh, okay, would your father be there at all?" (LG) \*quiet voice* *"No, he's busy at the moment as well."* TM: "Right, is there someone else over the age of 18 there?" (LG) \*quiet voice* *"There's my uncle..."* TM: "Oh? Can I speak to your uncle please?" (LG) \*quiet voice* *"No, he's busy at the moment.* TM: "Well then, who else is there right now?" (LG) \*quiet voice* *"My aunt is here too."* TM: "Great, can you put your aunt on the phone then?" (LG) \*quiet voice* *"I'm sorry, she's busy at the moment."* TM: "Well then, who else is in the house?" (LG) \*quiet voice* *"There's our next door neighbour"* TM: Right, I'll have a chat to him if you don't mind?" (LG) \*quiet voice* *"He's busy right now too."* The telemarketer is starting to get a little frustrated, he's had a shit day, hasn't made any sales, and he's keen to get get one on the board before he goes home, so he asks the little girl: TM: "Are the any other adults there?" (LG) \*quiet voice* *"There's a policeman, a fireman, and there's a priest"* Unable to contain it any longer, the telemarketer's curiosity and frustration get the better of him: TM: "What the *hell* are all those people doing at your house, and why are they all too busy to talk to me right now!? [ [ [ [ [ (LG) \*quiet voice* *"They're looking for me..."*