This man is frank and earnest with women... In Fresno, he's Frank and in Chicago he's Ernest. - Henny Youngman (for a Monday morning pick-me-up.)

Chicago launched an innovative new ride-sharing program today and the way it works is some guy stole my bike.

Walking around Brooklyn, slapping people's brunches to the ground.

I'm going to buy a house near the St. Louis Airport and paint "Welcome to chicago" on my roof to confuse people who are about to land.