The full time football result is in: Real Madrid - 4... Surreal Madrid - fish

Air Traffic Control joke Two pilots were talking in a bar. One asked the other what is the worst air traffic controlling he had experienced. He told the following story....We were coming into Madrid it was socked in with heavy fog and the ILS (Instrument Landing System) was out so we were getting talked down by their radar controller. He tells me I am on course and to begin my approach. He tells me when I am left or right high or low all the way down to minimums then he says the runway is ahead …

Redd Foxx Classics (not too dirty) - ""What's the difference between a pickpocket and a peeping Tom? A pickpocket snatches watches."" - ""I've realized the importance of black. If you want to know how important black is, go to Las Vegas and get some white chips and get some black chips. You could have 70 lbs of white chips and can't get out of town. You get 2 lbs of black chips, you can go to Madrid."" - ""We were poor. If I wasn't a boy, I wouldn't have had nothing to play with.""

As the airliner was preparing to land in Madrid in a rainstorm an English passenger seemed noticeably afraid. ""What's the problem fellow?"" asked his seat mate. ""Surely"" said the Englishman ""you've heard the saying 'The planes in Spain fall mainly in the rains!!'""