The Pope goes to New York and gets picked up at the airport by a limousine. When he sees the car, he motions to the driver and says: "Do you mind if I ask you a favor?" "A favor for the Pope??" exclaims the driver, "of course - anything!" "You know, I hardly ever get to drive, and I'd really like it if I got to drive now. Would you please let me?" The thought of the Pope getting behind the wheel scared the driver - what if he got into an accident? On the other hand, the driver felt…

What happens when you get mixed up in an undersea gang war? You get a crab wound. So you go the police but they clam't help you. Eventually you end up at the hospital and they tell you you'll need a sturgeon. Then you murder everyone because you are so god damn tired of their undersea puns.

The Wire Brush An Army officer decides to inspect soldiers recovering in one of the field hospitals he commands. He marches into one of the tents, goes up to the first private he sees and barks, ""What's your affliction, private?"" Standing at attention, ""Venereal warts, SIR!"" He then asks, ""And what treatment are you getting?"" ""Five minutes with the wire brush every day, SIR!"" Finally he asks, ""And what's your ambition, soldier?"" ""To get back to the frontline, SIR!"" He goes up to the…

During World War II, four men are captured by the German forces... During World War II, four prisoners are captured and brought back to a German base, set to await the death penalty in their cells. The prisoners are a Scotsman, an Irishman, a Welshman and an Englishman. One morning, a German officer comes in and tells the prisoners, ""You are to be lined up and each shot in turn, but before you are shot you get a final wish."" The Scotsman says, ""Before I'm shot I'd like to hear Highland Cathed…