Some funny pick up lines Do you have a map? Cause I just got lost in your eyes. If your left leg is Halloween, and your right leg is Christmas, CAN I COME IN BETWEEN HOLIDAYS? My love for you is like diarrhea, i just can't hold it in. If i said you had a hot body, would you hold it against me? Nice legs...what time do they open? Um…I have a lotta money. Hey baby, did you just break wind? Cause you're blowing me away. Hey. Are you a parking ticket? Cause you got fine written all over you …

Zebra dies and goes to heaven. When he arrives at the Pearly Gates, St. Peter greets him and informs him that all newcomers to heaven are allowed a single question to ask of The Almighty. Pete gestures to a magnificent pedestal nearby and says to Zebra, "just step up there and ask away." Zebra walks over to the pedestal and nervously steps on. The pedestal immediately illuminates with blinding light and a booming voice from above echoes, "WHAT TRUTH DOES THY SEEK MY CHILD?" Zebra looks up an…

Never Mess with Kids A man was seated next to a kid in an airplane. The man turned to him and said, “Let’s talk”. Kid: Ok, what do we talk about ? Man (making fun of d kid): How about nuclear power? Kid: Very interesting topic. But let me ask you a question… Horse, cow & deer, all eat grass. Yet deer excretes pellets, cow flat potty & horse clumps. Why? Man: I don’t know. Child: Do you really feel qualified enough to discuss nuclear issues when you don’t know shit.. ?

A man calls home from work... His young daughter answers the phone. "Hi sweetie, is your mother close to the phone? The little girl answers, "No, she's upstairs with uncle Paul." A long pause. "You don't have an uncle Paul, honey." He says. She answers, "Yes I do, he's upstairs with mommy, *right now!*" Another long pause. He says, "I want you to go upstairs and bang on mommy's door and say that you just saw daddy's cat pull in the driveway." "Okay..." A loooong pause. She picks…