#mildred

Mildred was a 93 year-old woman who was particularly despondent over the recent death of her husband Earl. She decided that she would just kill herself and join him in death. Thinking that it would be best to get it over with quickly, she took out Earl's old Army pistol and made the decision to shoot herself in the heart. Not wanting to miss the vital organ and become a burden to someone, she called her doctor to inquire as to just exactly where the heart would be. ""On a woman,"" the doctor sai…

CHUCKY AT THE MOVIES An old farmer went to town to see a movie. The ticket agent asked, ""Sir, what's that on your shoulder?"" The old farmer said, ""That's my pet rooster Chucky, wherever I go, Chucky goes."" ""I'm sorry sir."", said the ticket agent, ""We don't allow animals in the theater."" The old farmer went around the corner and stuffed the bird down his pants. He returned to the booth, bought a ticket and entered the theater. He sat down next to two old widows named Mildred and Marge. Th…

Achy breaky heart. At the age of 98, Mildred was distraught to be left a widow. She decided to ended it all with her husband's revolver and join him in death. To make sure she did it properly she called the doctor and asked exactly where the heart is located. The doctor replied that the heart is just below the left breast. Hearing that she took the revolver and placed it on the spot and fired. Half an hour later she was admitted to the hospital with a gunshot wound-to her left knee.

George and Mildred It was a pleasant, sunny afternoon in the park, full of Sunday revelers. George and Mildred were sitting together on a park bench, feeding the ducks. Mildred turned to George and said: ""You know George, we've been together 29 years now, don't you think its about time we were getting married?"" George stared reflectively into the distance and replied, ""Aye, Lass, but who would have us?""

A couple visits the mountains on their honeymoon... They were walking by and saw a sign for a helicopter tour. The man turns to his wife and says, ""What do you think, honey? Want to give it a try? It's only fifteen dollars"" ""I don't think so, dear."" She replies. ""We just got married and don't have a whole lot of money and fifteen dollars is fifteen dollars."" A couple of decades later the couple returns the mountains, and again pass the sign for a helicopter tour. The man turns to his wife …

Mildred, the church gossip, and self-appointed monitor of the church's morals, kept sticking her nose into other people's business. Several members did not approve of her extra-curricular activities, but feared her enough to maintain their silence. She made a mistake, however, when she accused George, a new member, of being an alcoholic after she saw his old pickup parked in front of the town's only bar one afternoon. She emphatically told George and several others that everyone seeing it there …

Old Farmer Went To Town To See A Movie The Ticket Agent Asked, ""sir, What's That On Your Shoulder?"" The Old Farmer Said, ""that's My Pet Rooster Chucky . Wherever I Go, Chucky Goes."" I Am Sorry Sir,"" Said The Ticket Agent . ""we Can't Allow Animals In The Theater."" The Old Farmer Went Around The Corner And Stuffed The Bird Down His Overalls . He Returned To The Booth, Bought A Ticket And Entered The Theater . He Sat Down Next To Two Old Widows Named Mildred And Marge. The Movie Started And …

Two elderly women were out driving in a large car-both could barely see over the dashboard. As they were cruising along they came to an intersection. The stoplight was red but they just went on through. The woman in the passenger seat thought to herself ""I must be losing it I could have sworn we just went through a red light."" After a few more minutes they came to another intersection and the light was red again and again they went right though. This time the woman in the passenger seat was a…

The Church Gossip Mildred, the church gossip, self-appointed monitor of the church's morals, kept sticking her nose into other people's business. Several members did not approve of her extra curricular activities, but feared her enough to maintain their silence. She made a mistake, however, when she accused Tom, a new member, of being an alcoholic after she saw his old pickup truck parked in front of the town's only bar one afternoon. She emphatically told Tom and several others that everyone …

"Mildred, are you putting on weight?" Lady of the House, "Mildred, are you putting on weight?" Maid, "Well, to tell you the truth Madam, I am pregnant." Lady, "OH DEAR! How ever did you get your self in such condition?" Maid, "Well Madam it started when I ordered a vibrator through the mail." Lady, "Goodness! You didn't use that dreadful thing did you?" Maid, "No Madam, the mail man talked me out of it."

Putting a stop to Church gossip. Mildred, the church gossip and self-appointed monitor of the church's morals, kept sticking her nose into other people's business. She made a mistake, however, when she accused Frank, a new member, of being an alcoholic after she saw his old pickup parked in front of the town's only bar one afternoon.  She emphatically told Frank (and several others) that everyone seeing it there would know what he was doing. Frank, a man of few words, stared at her for a momen…

How old Mildred stopped gossiping. Mildred was the church gossip and self-appointed monitor of the church's morals. She kept sticking her nose into other people's business, even if several members did not approve of her extra-curricular activities. However, they feared her enough to maintain their silence. Once, she accused a new member, Frank, of being an alcoholic after she saw his old pickup parked in front of the town's only bar one afternoon. She emphatically told Frank (and several othe…

George was having breakfast when Mildred walked in dropped her robe

Mildred was a 93 year-old woman who was particularly despondent over the recent death of her husband Earl. She decided that she would just kill herself and join him in death.

""Mildred are you putting on weight?""

Kevin took his golf very seriously – so much so that it was jeopardizing his marriage to Samantha because he was off playing golf seven days a week. In an attempt to save their crumbling marriage, she suggested that she should go to the course with him and take some lessons. "Okay," he said reluctantly, "but remember golf is a serious game. I don't want you ruining the one perfect thing in my life." So they went to the course and Samantha signed up to take a course of lessons with the local pro.…

An old farmer went to town to see a movie. The ticket girl said, "Sir, what is that on your shoulder?" The old farmer said, "That is my pet rooster, Chuckie. Wherever I go, Chuckie goes." "I'm sorry, Sir," said the ticket girl, "We can't allow animals in the theater. Not even a pet chicken." The old farmer went around the corner and stuffed the chicken down his pants. He returned to the booth, bought a ticket and entered the theater. He sat down next to two old emergency room nurses named Mildre…