#dr-dog

NURSE: The other nurses and I bought you this box of chocolates for Valentines Day! DR DOG: You're joking, right?

DR DOG: *applying a cast to a broken bone* Are you sure you don't just want me to cut it off?

[During surgery] DR DOG: Suction please. NURSE: But there's no bleeding. DR DOG: I know *drooling* but just look at that liver!

DR DOG: Please remove your shoes & step on the scale PATIENT: Ok DR DOG: I'll be right back *carries the shoes out of the room in his mouth*

DR DOG: It says you're here for a blood test. First, some questions. Number one: over the last six months who's been a good boy?

PATIENT: my stomach is killing me, doc DR DOG: I've got just the thing for you *hands him a prescription bottle filled with grass*

PATIENT: I've been so stressed out lately. What can I do? DR DOG (tail wagging like crazy): Studies show that petting dogs relieve stress

PATIENT: Doc, I haven't been able to bone my wife lately and I really think- DR DOG: Wait. Tell me more about the bone part

DR DOG: have you been taking your diabetes meds daily? PATIENT: no DR DOG: *hits him on the nose with a rolled up newspaper* Bad patient!

NURSE: I promise. It's ok. You can come in. MAILMAN (trembling): are..are you sure DR DOG: *locked in his office just going freakin nuts*

DR DOG: We need to talk about your weight. PATIENT: I'm not fat. I'm just big boned. DR DOG: *drooling everywhere* Just how big exactly?

PATIENT: Since I got this new job my feet are killing me. DR DOG: What's your job? PATIENT: Mailman DR DOG: *chases him out of room barking*

DR DOG: The test results came back. PATIENT: Oh God DR DOG: The tumor is-- *sees a squirrel out the window and takes off*

NURSE: *bursts into break room* A man just came to the ER with a broken bone thru his skin! DR DOG: *looks at other Drs* I'll take this one

DR DOG: The vasectomy was a success. But until it's healed completely, you'll need to wear this *places cone around patient's neck*

PATIENT: How tough was medical school for a dog like you? DR DOG: *thinking back on all the homework he ate* It wasn't easy

Patient: Doc, my stomach is killing me. DR DOG: *scratches chin* Have you tried eating grass?

CAT: Can u check my blood pressure? DR DOG: *places cuff around cat's neck* Sure CAT: Shouldnt that go on m- DR DOG: *inflating cuff* Ssshhh

DR DOG: *gives kid patient a sucker* MOM: what do u say KID: thanks mr dog DD: kid I didnt go to med school for 56 years to be called Mr Dog

PATIENT: I bet medical school was pretty tough DR DOG: yeah I remember one time I did my assignment 4 times bc I ate the first 3 copies lol

COW: I'm constipated DR DOG: when was ur last bowel moooo-vement lol C: ur doing puns right now? DD: gonna milk this for all its worth lmao