#dale

How to rap like Pit Bull: Spanish Spanish Spanish Mr Worldwide DALE!!

Howard and Dale walk into a bar They sit down at the bar and see people scuba diving on the tv. ""So here's a question"" says Howard ""How come scuba divers sit on the side of the boat with their oxygen tanks facing outward, and fall backwards off the boat?"" Dale thought for a minute and then said ""Thats easy, if they fell forward they'd still be in the frigging boat!""

An old man gets two doses of bad news from his doctor...But which is worse? ""Well Dale, your results are in... I have some bad news and some really bad news."" ""Just hit me with the worst first Doc. What's the really bad news? Get it out of the way."" The doctor takes a deep breath and prepares to tell Dale the news. ""Ok... Dale you do have lung cancer. Third stage and its aggressive."" Dale, stunned by the news lowers his head to his hands, obviously deeply troubled by the horrible news. You…

A penguin was driving through the South... A penguin was driving through the South, the Deep South in late August. ""Whew! It sure is hot!"" the penguin panted from behind the wheel of his car. Suddenly, the car fails the penguin and he has to push it down a bumpy road to the next town. He got out, and with all his strength in his weak flippers, he pushed the car over hill and dale. ""Whew!"" he sighed. As luck would have it, there was a mechanic in town, and he told the penguin that he'd have t…

An Excerpt from Dale Carnegie's How to Win Friends and Influence People I have among my clippings a story that I know never happened, but it illustrates a truth, so I'll repeat it: According to this silly story, a farm woman, at the end of a heavy day's work, set before her menfolks a heaping pile of hay. And when they indignantly demanded whether she had gone crazy, she replied: ""Why, how did I know you'd notice? I've been cooking for you men for the last twenty years and in all that time I ai…

Redneck Geometry Dale was the first of his hillbilly family to make it past the second grade. One day, Dale's pa asked, ""What did y'all learn today in that geometry class?"" Dale replied, ""Pi r squared"". ""Dadgummit!"", yelled Dale's pa, ""I knew that there fancy school tweren't no good! Pie are ROUND! CAKE are square!"" Edit: corrected hillbilly grammar

The farmer and the mule Old man Jim has farmed all of his life, and for the past 8 years he has used his prize mule Dale to plow the fields. Ol Jim loves Dale more than anything on the farm. One morning Jim woke up, and went to get Dale out of the barn to plow one of the fields. As he was hooking up the plow he noticed Dale had went completely cross eyed. He stepped back in shock and said "" O Lord! What am I gonna do? Dale is all I've got to pull a plow, and he ain't never gonna walk straight w…

Dale Jarrett, Rusty Wallace and Robert Pressely found themselves in hell. They were a little confused at their present situation, and they were startled to see a door in the wall open, behind the door was perhaps the ugliest 1973 Pinto they had ever seen. It was multi-colored with plenty of rust and primer...dirty... dry-rotted interior..and you could smell it even over the Brimstone. The voice of the Devil was heard: ""Dale, YOU HAVE SINNED!!! You are condemned to spend the rest of eternity in …

There's this penguin... There's this penguin, driving through the South, the Deep South... late August. The hot months. "Ew! But it sure is hot!" the penguin lisped from behind the wheel of his choking jalopy. Suddenly! The jalopy fails the penguin and he has to push it down a bumpy road to the next small town. He got out, and with all his strength in his weak flippers, he pushed the car over hill and dale. "Whew!" he sighed. As luck would have it, there was a mechanic in town, and he told t…

Arkansas. Two rednecks, Dale and Billy Ray, were walking downtown, window shopping and suddenly, they see a sign on a store which reads, "Suits $10 each, shirts $2 each, trousers $3 each". Dale says to his buddy, "Billy Ray, looky there! We could buy a whole gob of these, take 'em back to Arkansas, sell 'em, and make a fortune! Just let me do the talkin', 'cause if they hear your accent, they might think we're ignorant, and not wanna sell that stuff to us. I'll talk in a slow Texas drawl, so's…

What's Dale Earnhardt's favorite Pink Floyd album? Dark side of the moon. You sick bastard.

What is Pitbull's favorite restaurant? Jason's ¡Dale!

What milk does a coward make? Craven-dale