Confucius Jokes

Quoting famous dead people on the internet is stupid. ~Confucius

Confucius says... ""Woman asks:If I sleep with 3 men, everyone calls me a slut. But when a man sleeps with 8 girls, everyone calls him a real man. How come? Confucius replies: 'It's very simple. When one lock can be opened by 3 different keys, it's a bad lock. But when one key can open 8 different locks, we call it a master key'.""

Confucius say ""Virginity is like bubble; one prick, all gone.""

Confucius says... ""He who goes to bed with an itchy butt, wakes up with chicken fingers!""

Confucius say... Man who fight with wife all day get no piece at night.

Confucius say . . . . Man who wrong on elevator, wrong on many levels.

Confucius say to quiet the herd One must shut the flock up

Confucius Say . . . Man who run in front of car get tired. Man who run behind car get exhausted. Stabbing a man with a spoon is pointless.

Confucius he say Man who wank into till Come into money. Source: My mate Dave at uni circa 1998.

So there's this guy Walsh, he's tired of screwin' his wife... So his friend says to him, ""Hey, why don't you do it like the Chinese do?"" So he says, ""How do the Chinese do it?"" And the guy says, ""Well, the Chinese, first they screw a little bit, then they stop, then they go and read a little Confucius, come back, screw a little bit more, then they stop again, go and they screw a little bit... then they go back and they screw a little bit more and then they go out and they contemplate the mo…

Confucius say... French girl high maintenance. Chinese girl Lo Mein-tenance.

Confucius says Man entering airport door sideways bound to Bangkok

Confucius say: go to bed with itchy bum, wake up with smelly finger.

Confucius say... Baseball is wrong! Man with four balls cannot walk!

Confucius say Woman with big balloons has high rise accommodation.

Confucius say, ""Happy wife lead to soft hands... Unhappy wife lead to softer hands.""

Confucius say, ""Man who can put bait on hook well... ...is a master baiter.""

Confucius says: Woman who sleeps with judge..... receives honorable discharge

Confucius say lucky girl is girl who meets boy in park; Confucius say lucky boy is boy who parks meat in girl.

Confucius say.. Man who farts in church, sits in own pew.

Confucius say 7 days of honeymoon make one whole week.

Confucius say... Man who walks everyday barefoot will have a tough sole

Confucius say, many hand make for light work, But one hand make for quick job.

Confucius says - He who goes to bed with itchy butt Wake up with stinky fingers. Just remembered this from when I was 13

Confucius say... Do not meet girl in park. Park meat in girl.