#cat

Doctor: "The CAT scan results are in and they have confirmed my suspicions." Me: "Okay, I'm ready." Doctor: "You're not a cat."

Words I thought I would never have to yell from the kitchen into the living room: "DON'T GIVE THE CAT SCOTCH!"

MY PARENTS ARE OUT OF TOWN SO I CAN FINALLY WINK AT THE CAT AS MUCH AS I WANT

Of course I don't put Christmas presents under the tree for the CAT! That's just silly. She gets a stocking.

My cat was at the hospital yesterday... He was very close to dying. Wanting to have him for just a few more years, I pleaded to the doctor ""Isn't there anything you can do to try and save him?""? He scratched his chin for a while and said, ""Well, there is one more thing."" A Labrador walks into the room, sniffs the cat up and down, left and right, and all over. Finally, he looks up towards the vet and shakes his head. Asking again if he is salvageable, He says that there is one more last resor…

THE CAT AND THE LAB A woman brought a very limp parrot into a veterinary hospital. As she lay her pet on the table, the vet pulled out his stethoscope and listened to the bird's chest. After a moment or two, the Vet shook his head sadly and said, ""I'm so sorry, Polly has passed away."" The distressed owner wailed, ""Are you sure? I mean, you haven't done any testing on him or anything. He might just be in a coma or something."" The vet rolled his eyes, shrugged, turned and left the room returni…

Science, Philosophy and Religion What is Science? Looking for a black cat in a black room. What is Philosophy? Asking whether there is a black cat in a black room. What is Religion? ""I HAVE THE CAT""

A man visits a doctor... He complains about chest pains. The doctor nods and asks him to wait. The doctor excuses himself for a moment and returns with a labrador. The dog sniffs the man, licks him and is the taken away by the doctor. The doctor now returns with a cat , it licks the man and scratches him with its paws. Its then taken away. The man is now confused. Meanwhile the doctor returns. And says ""That would $500."" The man was now furious and said ""But for what I have only been here for…

A man brought his rabbit to the vets office... A man brought his rabbit into the vets office, he says to the vet ""I think my rabbit is dead"". The vet looks at the rabbit and say's ""yep, your rabbit is dead."" The man is very distraught and just cant believe it, he tells the vet ""It cant be possible! My rabbit cant be dead! Is there anything else you can do?"" The vet brings in his cat and it jumps up and looks at the rabbit and walks away. The vet replies ""You see, even the cat wont touch i…

A Man And his Duck go to the vet... They go through to the treatment room and the doctor says; "Sir, what can I do for you today?" The man says; "I've brought my duck in today because its really not well and I think its on its last hours." the doctor feels the duck and says; "I'll see what I can do." The doctor brings in a dog, the dog licks the duck all over its body. The duck lifts its head up, but puts it back down again. "It didn't work." The man said. The doctor leaves the room once aga…

The Lady & The Duck A woman brought a very limp duck into a veterinary surgeon. As she laid her pet on the table, the vet pulled out his stethoscope and listened to the bird's chest. After a moment or two, the vet shook his head and sadly said, "I'm sorry, your duck, Cuddles, has passed away." The distressed woman wailed, "Are you sure?" "Yes, I am sure. Your duck is dead," replied the vet.. "How can you be so sure?" she protested. "I mean you haven't done any testing on him or anything. …

A woman brought her hamster to the vet A women brought her hamster to the vet. The vet takes a look and concludes the hamster died. The woman doesn't believe it and request further investigation. So the vet lets in a Labrador. The dog sniffs around the hamster and shortly after he produces a sad whine, shakes his had and leaves the room with his tail low. The woman, still not convinced, demands more examinations. The vet gets one of his cats. It walks around the hamster and pets it. After so…

A woman went on vacation, leaving her husband behind along with the CAT. Before she left, she told him to take extra special care of her cat. The next day she called her husband and asked if the cat was all right. Her husband said: The cat just died. She burst into tears and said: How could you be so blunt? Why couldn't you have broken the news gradually! - Today, you could have said that it was playing on the roof; - Tomorrow, you could have said that it fell off and had broken its leg; …