#as-jesus

A redneck swaggers into a bar ""Barkeep"" he says, ""set me up with a cold one"" He looks down at the end of the bar and asks ""Is that Jesus down there?"" Barkeep nods ""Well set him up with a cold one too"" As Jesus is leaving he goes up to the redneck and says ""For your kindness, you hare healed"" The redneck jumps back and yells ""Don't touch me! I'm drawing disability!""

As Jesus is on the Cross... As Jesus is on the cross on top of the hill known as Golgatha, he cries out ""Peter! Peter! My servant come to me!"" Upon hearing this, Peter dashes towards to cross but is stopped by the Roman guards. A few minutes later Jesus cries out once again ""Peter! Peter! My servant come to me!"" Once again, Peter dashes towards to cross but is stopped by the Roman guards. Yet a few more minutes go by and Jesus again cries out ""Peter! Peter! My servant come to me!"" Again, P…

Heaven Saint Peter had a terrible cold and fever and didn't think he would last the day minding the Pearly Gates of Heaven. So he phoned Jesus to ask for the day off. ""Why, Peter,"" Jesus said. ""You know your health is my first concern. Take as much time as you need."" As Jesus pondered who he might use to replace Peter, he decided to handle the job himself. It was a very slow day and no one approached the Gates until late in the afternoon, when in the distance, Jesus saw a bent, white-haired …