Me: "I need a home improvement loan." Banker: "What will you be using the money for?" Me: "A divorce lawyer."

An enterprising divorce lawyer would set up a booth on a Sunday at a cut-your-own Christmas tree farm.

Divorce: Step 1: She throws all your shit in the street Step 2: The judge says you have to give it all back to her.

Your honor, I second that motion Judge: Ma'am, I'm simply reading your husband's request to be cremated