The Tortured Life of a Tractor Enthusiast (Very Shaggy Dog Joke!) So there was this guy Dave, and Dave had always loved tractors despite being a city boy. Ever since he had been 5 years old he had wanted to own one in particular, a massive green John Deere with yellow wheels. For his tenth birthday his parents brought him a poster of this tractor and Dave worshipped it. He had this poster above his bed and would gaze at it for hours before he went to sleep. As soon as he was old enough Dave drop…

Bernie Sanders walks into a college bar on Friday Night.... One of his aides turns off the music, another calls for the attention of the young crowd. Bernie nervously coughs for 3 or so minutes, fumbling with his notes. He licks his lips and begins to speak about alcohol inequality, and the alcohol rich and the alcohol 99%. One of the kids waaaaay in the back speaks up quickly. >Mr. Sanders are you going to buy us all a drink now? The crowd laughs. Bernie squints at the Kid and licks his lips…

I need beer money but I've probably captured my neighbor's cat and returned it for the reward one too many times.

give a man a fish, and he'll just expect more free fish. teach a man to fish, and you can stick him with crippling fishing school debt