Three friends meet up at the office, all hungover from the night before. Bill says ""Oh man. I feel so sick guys. I was so drunk last night that I forgot to call a cab. I ended up trying to drive home and got pulled over. The cop gave me a DUI and I ended up staying the night in jail."" Tom replied ""That's not so bad. I was so drunk last night that I barely managed to stumble home. I crawled up the stairs into bed with my wife. Later while I was asleep I heard her scream. I thought maybe someon…

So a woman goes to the doctor with a busted lip and a black eye... ...and the doctor says, "Oh my, what happened?" To which the woman replies, "Well my husband always goes to the bar after work, he then proceeds to come home and beat me. I've tried everything to get him to stop but nothing works." The doc listens to her story and after a few minutes, he responds with "Hmmm, welp, I think I may be able to help you. From now on, the second your husband walks through that door I want you to drink…

The Redneck Vasectomy Billybob and his wife, Charlene, had 6 kids and decided this was enough. Charlene told Billybob that he should get a vasectomy, and he agreed. The next day, Billybob walked down to the local doctors and asked about the procedure. "Well" said the doctor "it's a very simple procedure. Take an empty beer can, put an M-80 firecracker in it, light it and then hold the can and count to 10". That can't be right, thought Billybob. So he asked if he could seek a second opinion. …

A man suffered from terrible constipation. The doctor asked him about his diet, and the man admitted that the only vegetable he ever ate was peas. "That's almost certainly the cause of your constipation," said the doctor. "All those peas you've been eating have clogged up your system. I'm afraid you'll have to give them up for good." A few years later, the man was sitting in a restaurant with his boss and the boss's wife. The boss's wife said: "If there's one thing I miss in life, it's a nice pi…