*admires David at the museum* I can't believe a teenage mutant ninja turtle sculpted this

Tonight playing poker with a buddy he said "Care to make this interesting?" And I said "Sure. For years I've been secretly in love with you"

Me: Hey, great costume, buddy! You look like a real... Him: Ma'am, please step out of the vehicle.

The real reason David beat Goliath is that when David threw a rock, Goliath threw scissors.