[at wife's funeral] Son: At least shes in heaven now Me: [delicately places hand on his shoulder] You don't know shit about your mom

3 Men go to heaven... God: What would you like everyone to say at your funeral Billy? Billy: That ""I was a great father and caring husband of a beautiful wife."" God: ok, what about you George? George: That ""I was a great doctor and have saved many lives."" God: Alright, what about you Timmy? Timmy: I want them to say: ""Hey look! He's MOVING!""

Father I have fallen There was an old priest in a small town who spent years listening to confessions, most of which had been about adultery. One day he had enough and said ""If I get one more confession about adultery I will leave this town."" Now the people really liked the priest and didn't wanna see him leave so they decided to start calling adultery something else. Eventually the word fallen replaced the word adultery, and people would confess to having fallen. This satisfied the priest and…

Maria, a devout Catholic, got married and had 15 children. After her first husband died, she remarried and had 15 more children. A few weeks after her second husband died, Maria also passed away. At Maria's funeral, the priest looked skyward and said, ""At last, they're finally together."" Her sister sitting in the front row said, ""Excuse me, Father, but do you mean she and her first husband, or she and her second husband?"" The priest replied, ""I mean her legs."" -