Regular Russia, not the Soviet one Ivan and Igor are standing at a bus stop in Russia. It is freezing cold and raining hard. A limo drives by and splashes icy water all over them. Ivan says to Igor, ""This is a terrible place to live, I want to go to America."" Igor responses, ""Why do think America would be any better."" Ivan stares at Igor in disbelief, ""Do you know what would happen in America? If a limo drove by and splashed you, the rich man would pull over, apologize, help you into the ca…

Have girl problem? Feel bad for you son. I live in Russia. Have 99 problems. Bear ate car. Wife ate bear. Son ate wife. I eat son now?

Proof A retired gentleman went to the social security office to apply for Social Security. The woman behind the counter asked him for his driver's license to verify his age. He looked in his pockets and realized he had left his wallet at home. He told the woman that he was very sorry but he seemed to have left his wallet at home. ""I will have to go home and come back later."" The woman says, ""Unbutton your shirt."" So he opens his shirt revealing curly silver hair. She says, ""That silver hair…

Lady teasing Gorilla at the Zoo... A man and his wife are at the zoo. As they walk through the ape exhibit, they pass in front of a very large, hairy gorilla. Noticing her, the gorilla starts bouncing around his cage. He jumps up on the bars and, holding on with one hand, grunts and pounds his chest. The husband, finding this funny, suggests that his wife tease the poor primate. The husband suggests she pucker her lips, wiggle her bottom at him, and play along. She does, and the gorilla gets eve…