Good cop: license and registration please Perp: I'm sorry was I speeding Dad Cop: hi sorry was I speeding, I'm dad.

"Is that a car alarm going off? Someone must be trying to steal it I better call the police!" - literally no one ever

"Can you validate my parking?" "You parked beautifully. Your dad would be proud." *wipes away tears* "Thanks."

I never understood how a mother could lift a car with a child trapped under, until my phone got stuck under my bed.