Story about a blue fish. A boy was told to draw a blue fish for homework. The next day he brought the drawing back to school and showed it to the teacher, the teacher looked at it and told him to leave the class and go to the principal. At the principal's office the boy was asked why he was sent, the boy responded; ""Well I was told to draw a blue fish but as soon as the teacher saw it she sent me to you."" The principal asked to see the drawing and upon viewing it expelled the student from the …

The dogfood diet (don't know the source, my dad sent me this he prob heard it on the radio) Yesterday I was at my local Publix buying a large bag of Purina Dog Chow for my loyal pet, Jake, the Wonder Dog, and was in the check-out line when a woman behind me asked if I had a dog. What did she think...I had an elephant? So because I'm retired and have little to do, on impulse I told her that no, I didn't have a dog, I was starting the Purina Diet again. I added that I probably shouldn't, because I…

""That's as clean as cold water gets 'em!"" A young man is harassed by his parents on the topic of his grandfather, and how he never visits or speaks to him anymore. The man protests, sighing. ""He's such a weirdo. And he lives up there all alone in mountain country, I doubt he wants to see *anyone!*"" But his parents continue to insist and, finally, thinking it would be worthwhile just to get his mom and dad off his back about it, the man sets off to visit his grandpa's mountain shack. And, boy…

My grandfather told me this joke... A lady and her baby walks onto a bus. The bus driver exclaims "wow that's one ugly baby!" The mother storms down the aisle and takes a seat next to a man. The man tells her "the bus driver should not have said that to you! You march right up to him and speak your mind while I hold your monkey!"