Marriage Jokes...more like facts Marriage Jokes We always hold hands. If I let go, she shops. Love is blind but marriage is an eye-opener. There are two times a man doesn't understand a woman, before marriage and after marriage! A successful husband is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man! A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband. A man never worries about his future until he gets a wife! A woman has the last word in any argument. Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument. Before marriage, a man yearns for the woman he loves. After marriage, the ""y"" becomes silent. To be happy with a man, you must understand him a lot and love him a little. To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot and not try to understand her at all ! A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't. A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change and she does. She ran after the garbage truck, yelling, ""Am I too late for the garbage?"" Following her down the street the husband yelled, ""No, jump in!"" Marriage is an institution in which a man loses his Bachelor's Degree and the woman gets her Masters. A husband said to his wife, ""No, I don't hate your relatives. In fact, I like your mother-in-law better than I like mine."" The honeymoon is over when the husband calls home to say he'll be late for dinner and the answering machine says it is in the microwave. A little boy asked his father, ""Daddy, how much does it cost to get married?"" And the father replied, ""I don't know, son, I'm still paying for it."" A man said his credit card was stolen but he decided not to report it because the thief was spending less than his wife did. A man who muttered a few words in the church, found himself married. A year later he muttered something in his sleep and found himself divorced! Marriage puts a ring on a woman's finger and two under the man's eyes. A psychiatrist is a person who will give you expensive answers that your wife will give you for free.