Tom Cruise does all of his own stunts because death is the only way out of the Church of Scientology.

It's Palm Sunday and we didn't drink the wine out of a coconut? I don't know why this church even has a suggestion box.

It doesn't matter if I go to church or the gym as long as I can act superior later, right?

Sometimes I think Scientology was secretly started by Mormons so they could have a religion to make fun of.