[5 mins after seeing our neighbour's new boat] wife: "everything's a competition to you" me: [trying to find the moon on eBay] "no it's not"

I wonder if they sell tumbleweeds on eBay, as it would be cool to have a few following me around the office wherever I go

This Is total BULLSHIT! You can't even find ACME anvils on ebay. THIS IS WHY THE ALIENS DON'T TAKE US SERIOUSLY!

JOHN LENNON: Love is all you need ME: This guy knows what it's all about JOHN LENNON: I am the egg man coo coo ca chu ME: OK scratch that