Dapple's Car Accident Once upon a frosty Canadian winter, there lived a man named Dapple. Dapple was a proud Canuck, born and raised in the heart of the Great White North. He loved the snow, the maple syrup, and of course, ice hockey. But one fateful day, his life took an unexpected turn. Dapple was driving through the snow-covered streets of Toronto when a moose, yes, a moose, darted out onto the road. In a panic, Dapple swerved his car and ended up in a spectacular collision with a snowpl…

Our dog runs away so much, I'm just going to spray paint our phone number on her side.

Loan shark: If you're late my guys will ... Me: Tell my gf my phone password? LS: Break every bone in your body M: Oh. Yeah that's fine

On the phone to the chinese food place & my cat's all chatty... I cover the receiver and hiss "Shhh, you want them to hear you?"