A British soldier meets an Australian soldier on a warzone **British soldier**: Did you come here to die? **Australian soldier**: Nah mate, I came here yesterday!

I heard this joke from a foreign tour woman of a museum of Communism in Russia... [Apparently this was a real joke told by anti-communist citizens when Stalin was dictator of the Soviet Union] Have you tried Stalin bacon before? *I'm not sure.. I don't think so...* Well, I know for certain that you haven't - the pig's not dead yet.

Why did Simba's dad die in a stampede? Because he didn't Moofassa enough! Edit: general consensus was to add "enough"

In the future, wars are fought on a budget The world economy ensures there are no weapons at all. A man signs up for his country’s army. He gets to training camp. The sergeant hands him a piece of wood shaped like a rifle, with a rubber bayonet on the end. ‘Right, men! This is the new war tactics. You point your rifle at the enemy and say ‘bangety bang’! You poke your bayonet at the enemy and say ‘stabbity stab’! The soldiers look at each other and shrug - wtf? Days later the men are sent…