My nephew asked, "What's the secret to a long life?" I said, "Never order vegetarian in Texas"

Flash floods in Arizona last night. We nominate California and Texas. #ALSIceBucketChallenge

My mom moved me away from Texas as a kid, statistically decreasing the chance I ever get the death penalty and that's pretty cool

9am: Very busy day today, I need to focus & stay off the internet 1pm: did you know that Texas has the largest population of prairie dogs?