If I ever met the Dalai Lama, I would ask him a question that has plagued me my entire life. "What color do Smurfs turn if you choke them?"

Border Patrol never did chase down that illegal baby food smuggler from Mexico. I heard he was so fast they nicknamed him Formula Juan.

"Where do you see yourself in 5 lives?" (Dalai Lama job interview)

"I can't wait to move back to Mexico." -No Juan, ever