An American and a Russian die and go to Hell... (Long)
They are met at the gates by Satan, who offers them a choice: They can either go to American Hell or Russian Hell.
Both new arrivals are curious as to what the difference is, so Satan explains that in American Hell you are free to do whatever you want; you'll find that we have all the finest amenities here in Hell, whatever your heart desires, you can find it here! However, you have to eat a shovel-full of Shit each morning, but then you…