Why doesn't Amy Winehouse hide her syringe in her hair when she's on stage? Because it's like trying to find a needle in a haystack. Jesus vs. Elvis Jesus said: "Love Thy Neighbour." (Matthew 22:39) Elvis said: "Don't Be Cruel." (RCA, 1956) Jesus said: "Man shall not live by bread alone." Elvis loved sandwiches with peanut butter and bananas. Jesus is the Lord's shepherd. Elvis dated Cybill Shepherd. Jesus walked on water. (Matthew 14:25) Elvis surfed. (Blue Hawaii, 1965) Jesus lived in a state of grace in a near Eastern land. Elvis lived in Graceland in a nearly eastern state. Jesus was part of a trinity. Elvis's first band was a trio. Tom Cruise has got a creepy marriage, hasn't he? I reckon if you got invited round to his house for a dinner party, Katie Holmes would write 'Get help' in the peas. Frankie Boyle