#steven-wright

""I used to work at a fire hydrant factory."" ""You couldn't park anywhere *near* the place!"" -Steven Wright

""My theory about evolution is that Darwin was adopted"" This is a classic joke for Steven Wright but I don't get it. It's about the wordplay between ""adopted"" and ""adapted""? Can somebody help me? The doubt it's killing me.

I spilled spot remover on my dog... ... He's gone now (credit to Steven Wright)

One day, I made instant coffee in my microwave. I nearly went back in time. - Steven Wright

It was my birthday last week, I got a dehumidifier and a humidifier.... Put them in the same room, let em fight it out. -Steven Wright

Made this up. Feels like a Steven Wright joke... My teacher asked me to use the word ""bucolic"" in a sentence. I said, ""You want me to use the word 'bucolic' in a sentence?"" She replied, ""Yes."" I said, ""I just did.""

Today I was wondering ""why does a frisbee appear larger the closer it gets?""... ... And then it hit me. - Steven Wright

I got a sweater for my birthday. I'd have preferred a moaner or a screamer. Credit to Steven Wright.

What's another word for ""thesaurus""? Steven Wright joke, iirc.

I used to work at a fire hydrant factory. I couldn't park anywhere near the place. -Steven Wright

A gas station had 2 signs in the window, help wanted and self-service. I walked in and hired myself. credit: Steven Wright

I got a papercut writing my suicide note. It's a start. -Steven Wright