#second-officer

"Speeding" Tom is cruising down the highway way over the speed limit. Cop pulls him over. "Sorry officer, guess the speedometer got away from me. Happens every time I get hammered and try to drive home." "What?! You're intoxicated?" "Well I needed a stiff drink after I shot that guy! It's okay though, I managed to fit the body in the trunk." "Sir, keep your hands where I can see them. Give me your license and registration right now." "Well I would but it's in the glove box where I threw the gun…

A man and a woman go scuba diving for their honeymoon..... ... and they are having the absolute time of their life. The fish, the coral- it's all just wonderful. But then, out of nowhere, they hear a great rumbling, look behind them, and see a cruise ship headed straight for them! They separate, one to each side of the massive ship. When the ship passes, the husband looks around, but the wife is nowhere to be seen. He looks, swimming for hours, almost exhausting his tank, but he can't find her…

A farmer is transporting donkeys across the interstate. He is driving at a brisk but legal pace when he was suddenly pulled over by a two state troopers. The first trooper says, "Sir, do you know how fast you were going?" The farmer looked at him, puzzled, and replied, "Yes, as a matter of fact, I was going five miles below the speed limit!" The first trooper angrily looks over at the second and says, "You told me he was speeding!" Flustered, the second officer replies, "No no no, I said he…

A woman was pulled over for speeding... When the officer reaches the vehicle he informs the woman that she was driving more than double the speed limit and asks to see her license and registration. The woman refuses to produce them and, when asked why, states that she doesn't have a license or registration and that the vehicle is stolen. Taken aback the officer asks her to open the trunk and step out of the vehicle. Again the woman refuses and tells the officer that she can't open the trunk b…