"Daddy, I want to watch Dora." Sweetie this is Dora. It's the one where she plays an NBA basketball game against the Brooklyn Nets

Ok America now is our chance to catch up on productivity, health care, math & science while the rest of the world is drunk & watching soccer

I used to complain about crying babies on airplanes but last week I was flying, both pilots died & a crying baby landed us on a soccer field

Kids: haha you have to work and we don't have school today Me *closing the front door* I changed the wifi password. Love you guys!