Cop: Know why I stopped you? The dead guy in my trunk? Cop: Um, speeding, but my shift's over, so proper burial and no more murders. Ok?

Went to "The Social Network." I ran into people I didn't like in high school and they kept showing me pictures of their kids.

No matter how often I scream METALLICA in the poolside DJ's face I don't think he's going to play them. Here come the police they'll help me

Your make-up application says "I failed Clown College".