My company just gave the janitor the Employee of the Month Award in a big ceremony that he spent hours cleaning up afterwards.

THERAPIST: what's the problem? WIFE: he replaces words with animal names just to annoy me ME: I don't do it on porpoise

It's like my Uncle said, no body, no crime Coworker: I only asked how your weekend was...

PATIENT: Someone gave me pills at a party and my stomach hurts DR: We took x-rays. You have spongy dinosaurs expanding inside you right now