wife: Can't we just buy a bigger catflap? me: [buttering the cat] We're not made of money, Karen

"dont get conned into spendin our lottery money" i wont [calls wife back] will 2 sharks fit in our pool? "NO" ok [to salesman] one shark pls

*Husband buys me flowers* Me: Aw sweet, but don't waste money on things that are going to die. Him: But you keep buying the cat food.

Super-Diagnostic Machine Leroy and Roscoe are sitting around the lunch table in the break room when Roscoe starts complaining about his elbow. ""I reckon Imma hafta go down to the doc and have him check this thang out."" Leroy says, ""Naw, don't waste yur money. Wal-Mart has this new contrapshun whur you can go and put a piss sample in this here machine and it'll tell ya what's wrong with ya. Givver a shot befer you go see ya doc."" Roscoe was a bit skeptical, but decided it was worth it to save…