I feel like Trump and Hillary are two divorced parents fighting over custody of us but we kinda just wanna go live with grandma.

Every time I use Twitter secretly at work and a colleague asks me why I'm laughing, "this pie chart is hilarious!" never sounds believable.

If you're new to Twitter from Facebook, you can just reply "Like" to all of my tweets. I'll understand

I was going to suggest Twitter to have a live Nativity scene but I think it's going to be impossible. A virgin and 3 wise men? On here?!