3:Mommy why do I have to wear a coat, it's not that cold out!? Me:So other Moms don't judge me and talk shit, Buddy.

Texts from mom: Thanks to the supreme court, now it's not just women who won't marry you.

Judge:"Since we can't prove who's baby it is we will ... cut the baby in half Worm Mom 1:"Sure Worm Mom 2 :"Ya do it.

[couple tossing baby back and forth] [music stops] judge: custody granted dad: [holding baby] AW DAMMIT