once a woman in the mall said "isn't everything cuter with babies?!" and jeff replied "not coffins" and just stared at her until she cried

my cousin jeff died today. sent flowers to the family with a little card saying "jeff is dead" so they know what the flowers are for

Deer: I have a proposal for you Rabbit: I'm all ears Deer: HAHA I get it, cuz of the whole big ears thing Rabbit: That's pretty hurtful Jeff

WIFE: Kate's new baby is 7lbs 11oz ME: WIFE: Roughly 12 a stone ME: WIFE: 312 kilos ME: WIFE: [sigh] a four pack of beer ME: Oh cool