Trump steps out onto the White House lawn in the dead of winter Donald Trump steps out onto the White House lawn in the dead of winter. Right in front of him, on the White House lawn, he sees ""Donald Trump Sucks"" written in urine across the snow. Well, he's is pretty ticked off. He storms into his security staff's HQ, and yells ""Somebody wrote an insult in the snow on the front damn lawn! And they wrote it in urine! Whoever did it had to be standing right on the porch when he did it! Where were you guys?!"" The security guys stay silent and stare ashamedly at the floor. Trump hollers ""Well dammit, don't just sit there! Get out and find out who did it! I want an answer, and I want it tonight!"" The entire staff immediately jump up and race for the exits. Later that evening, his chief security officer approaches him and says: ""Well Mr. President, we have some bad news and we have some really bad news. Which do you want first?"" Trump says ""Give me the bad news first."" The officer says ""Well, we took a sample of the urine and tested it. The results just came back, and it was Mike Pence's urine."" Trump says ""Oh my god, I feel so... so... betrayed! My own vice president! Damn. ...Well, what's the really bad news?"" The officer replies ""Well, it's Melania's handwriting.""