[dies and goes to hell] me: "mom? dad!? what are you doing here!" dad: "we used to switch your food with the dog's food sometimes."

Salmon and Chef A salmon walks into a restaurant, finds the chef and tells him: Hey, you! You've killed my father! Sure, tells the cook, this is my job. I kill fish, fry them and serve to people. I want you to stop doing this. Dude, this is what I do. If I stop, my family dies from hunger. OK. Let's play chess. If you win - kill me and fry me. If I win - you quit your job. And they started playing chess. Salmon wins, and the cook takes his knife, cuts salmon's belly and starts to dress it…

So a mom hears her son playing with trains.... And she heard the train stop and her son said, ""All of you sons of b*tches who want off, get the hell off now, cause this is the last stop! And all of you sons of b*tches who are getting on, get your asses in the train, cause we're going down the tracks."" The mother went nuts and told her son, ""We don't use that kind of language in this house. Now I want you to go to your room and you are to stay there for TWO HOURS. When you come out, you may pl…

One day a priest was walking on a pier when he noticed a guy in a boat fishing He waves to the fisherman, and the fisherman asks him if he'd like to join him in the boat for a little angling. The priest enthusiastically agrees but explains that he's never fished before. The angler says he'll teach him. On his first cast, the priest hauls in a really big fish. The fishermen exclaims, ""Wow! That's a big son of a b****!"" Realizing he's in the presence of a priest, the fisherman says, ""Oh, father…