Cop: You were speeding. Me: Objection your honor. Cop: I'm not a judge. Me: Permission to approach the bench. Cop: What? Me: Sustained.

An Attorney had just purchased and parked his brand new Lexus in front of his office... An Attorney had just purchased and parked his brand new Lexus in front of his office, ready to show it off to his colleagues. As he was getting out, a truck came along too closely and completely tore off the lawyer's driver-side door. Fortunately, a cop in a police car was close enough to see the accident and pulled up behind the Lexus with his lights flashing. Before the cop had a chance to ask any questions…

A doctor and a lawyer collide in traffic During the afternoon commute, a doctor and a lawyer collide, and go hurtling off the road into the ditch. Both emerge unhurt but badly shaken up. The lawyer says, ""Are you okay?"" The badly rattled doctor replies, ""Yes, I think so. I'm a doctor & I can tell nothing's broken."" The lawyer pulls out a hip flask and offers it to the doctor. ""You look like death warmed over; have a swig of this to steady your nerves."" ""Thanks,"" says the doctor, who …

I think you're a jerk! A man was pulled over for driving too fast, even though he thought he was driving just fine. Officer: You were speeding. Man: No, I wasn't. Officer: Yes, you were. I'm giving you a ticket. Man: But I wasn't speeding. Officer: Tell that to the judge! (The officer gives man the ticket.) Man: Would I get another ticket if I called you a jerk? Officer: Yes, you would. Man: What if I just thought that you were? Officer: I can't give you a ticket for what you think. Man: Fine, I…