""I got you a new shirt."" I told my girlfriend. GF: Really? Show me! *Pulls shirt out of a bag. Has Austin in big letters on the chest and below it says For Indoor Use Only* GF: Thank you! I'll put it on right now! Me: No, please don't! You can't use it! GF: Why? Me: Cause that's my name. Don't wear it out.
Me: Did it hurt? Her: Did what hurt? Me: When you fell from a really high distance. Dating as an atheist is hard.
Saying "oh my gosh you're getting so big!" is cute and acceptable to say to a 6 year old. Not so much to an ex-girlfriend.
When my girlfriend sends me to the supermarket to get cucumbers I also buy Vaseline so the cashier doesn't think I'm a vegan.
"No mom I DON'T HAVE a boyfriend!" -lie you tell at 18. "No mom I HAVE a boyfriend!" -lie you tell at 28.
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