Halloween election Year 2026: ""Dad, tell me a spooky halloween story."" ""Once upon a time there was an old man who wore a jack-o-lantern over his head so he would always be frowning to express that he never made enough money to satisfy his greed. Everyone made jokes about how he looked like an orange smurf with fake hair. He did not care. He liked the color orange bigly. One day he was attending a golf match and noticed a beautiful woman at the clubhouse. He cornered her, pressed his lips against hers, and touched her private parts without even saying hello. She pushed him away screaming and he returned to his game of golf. Later he noticed that his golf club seemed to feel a bit larger. Peering through his jack-o-lantern he noticed that his hands actually appeared to be a little smaller. He shrugged it off and continued on with the golf match. A week later he was admiring his jack-o-lantern in the mirrored finish of an elevator while ascending a huge highrise. A different woman boarded the elevator and he thought ""I am a very powerful man, I am famous, I can do anything."" He tried to press his lips against hers, and grabber her private parts. She screamed and ran out of the elevator. Later that evening as he shook hands with a business partner he noticed that his hand felt like it was being painfully crushed. He dashed into the bathroom and took off the jack-o-lantern and stared closely at his even smaller hands and screamed into the mirror, ""Oh my god. My hands are even smaller!!"" Each time he kissed or grabbed a woman without her permission his hands increasingly shrunk. Eventually he had no hands. His arms wore down to stubs so short that he could not even take off his jack-o-lantern anymore. The media had been ignoring him for a while. He was not the star that he once was. The media were now talking about many other people who made much more money than him, and about people who did good things for the poor and unhealthy. He became increasingly desperate for attention, and tossed and turned every night thinking, ""How could this be happening to me? Nobody talks about how rich and powerful I am anymore!"" ... ""And then what happened, dad??"" ""He ran for president.""